Now with more Magic

I've been a frazzled bundle of nerves. July 4th marks some insidious, amorphous milestone in a Bar Taker's study. It previously wouldn't have bothered me if I had not listened to a friend that likes to bring up these scary markers. Let's call her Twiggy. Twiggy tends to ask other people about this experience. Call it what you will: gossip, recon, research; it's all heading down a bad path of psych outs. It can get to your head. And Twiggy likes to tell me about it. Is it because misery loves company? Or that she's trying to be a good friend and warn me about dangers? Or is she trying to EFF with my head? I genuinely believe that she is sharing her experience of being down and working really hard without payoff. But the things she says still EFFs with my head.

It must be done. I must get rid of this. I can't have these superstitious milestones if it keeps throwing me off my game. It's not even freaking me out in the proper manner to get me motivated, as Anthony would characterize it. I get caught up in this rat race. Twiggy tells me: "this is about the time when everyone freaks out." I think, "I should start freaking out. Why am I not freaking out? I'm freaking out about not freaking out enough." Then I work myself up into a small dust storm of uselessness and anxiety.

Even if Twiggy means everything in good faith and without a bone of malice, it's still unnerving. I never like superstitions.

Today I made Magic Bars. Now with more magic. No, I didn't take pictures. But I have some photos from previous baking attempts. My mother really likes the Magic Bars. The funny thing about Magic Bars is that even though it takes relatively little magic to make, they are expensive! The ingredients are top shelf. Things that I cannot make from ordinary general groceries. I have to purchase them special. I have not had any. One day I will make a version without nuts. But until that day, I hope everyone enjoys them. Baking Magic Bars is a bit like a chemistry experiment. Converting sugar!

(After looking at my most recent mixed subject multiple choice practice exam)
Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.
Um. Snarf. Um.
I need something. I need chocolate cake. With frosting. I need a slice of chocolate cake right now. Tonight. I don't know if I should break out the cupcake pan and make chocolate cake in that. For easy service and divisibility?
WHY AM I fussing about divisibility during this moment of psychosis? WHAT is wrong with me?

Yesterday I watched this British TV show called Inbetweeners. It was really funny in a coarse, crude, anti-high school musical, anti-Twilight way. There was one episode where one of the fellows was studying for his final exams. He freaked out in one scene. Exactly the same way that I freaked out last week. And this week. And will do again tomorrow. But silently and alone.