Today. Sucked. Sure, the lecture was exciting enough. It was a good Civ Pro lecture overall. He is a good instructor and it's difficult to hate him for long. But the rest of the day? Stupid, worthless, idiotic, stupid, stupid stupid! Typing at this computer hurts my wrists further. And writing has been a bit less painful. But I NEED TO WRITE TO LEARN. And when my writing is broken, I am broken.
I did several practice exams today. The most exciting of which was the mixed subject. I am going to fail. Real property has folded me up like a paperclip and thrown me into a pond. Con Law is full of nooks and crannies that are STUPID. Mostly, my beef is with Con Law and Real Property. I HATE this. Today was an endless game of shooting myself in the foot. Every time I thought I knew something, BOOM. It was wrong. I am so wrong. EVERYTHING is wrong.
I miss my friend in TX. We had a little phone chat. It made the distance between seem so much more. It was separation of time and space. Studying for the bar is suppose to be lonely, that much I've heard. But today, I actually felt the psychic solitude. My heart wanted to reach out. To know that I wasn't alone. To sense that there were other things, better places, hopes and achievements. But I feel like I'm observing the world without actually being part of the world. I get these messages of lives passing and going. It's mostly a one-directional communication. And then, I suddenly get the strange sensation that I'm in a bell jar, and that all my communications are fabricated. My experience is of a world I cannot understand. Because so long as I am under the scrutiny and spell of the Bar Study, I can be made to dance, cry and sing with the jerk of strings and the puppeteer's will.
I think we've reached the halfway point in bar review. Halfway down to hell.
(Oh, go cry, emo kid.)
(Shutupshutupshutupshutup! My point is incredibly valid. I'm entitled to bouts of emo-ness.)
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