Exhausted. Halfway. One Month to Go. No water

I am exhausted. I didn't realize how exhausted I really was until this morning. I didn't really do anything yesterday except go to pub quiz (which we arrived late bc I couldn't remember when it started. Idiot). Didn't drink. Yesterday was exhausting too. I tried to keep up my energy. Tried to put on a brave face and just work through it. But that's been the same story for nearly 5 weeks now. And it's the halfway point. It's exactly one month before the bar. I am so scared and so tired.

Yesterday there was a party for the Yelp Elite and company. Purportedly the largest event in Yelp history. I had tickets. I had RSVPs. I didn't have the energy to go. I am so lame.

This morning there is a slight overcast. It's cold. I have run out of eggs. I cannot bake anything until I get more eggs. Woe is me. Worst yet, I've run out of drive. Mondays. It's all a perpetual Monday from now on. It's always this feeling of dread in getting out of bed. The motivating factor is fear. The fear of never catching up.

Barbri has this Interactive Paced program that sets the daily routine for the entire period of study. It's like boot camp. Every day there is 6 hours of streaming video to watch (why can't we download into mp3?) and about 200 pages to read, outline, analyze, write. Then, there is "review" or memorization. I've watched so many really really long videos that I hate watching anything on my computer. If it's a video, I don't want to see it. I'm afraid it'll be a 3 hour long video of an old man standing at a podium, talking at me.

It's time to start taking it really seriously. It's time to start condensing the outlines and memorizing. It's a tedious job. At least I better understand how to condense. Each topic is condensed differently. And when I initially started with Real Property, I didn't have any idea how to do it, still don't, but it made outlining really really difficult. Like drawing an escape plan through a building and town you are not familiar with. Like trying to find your way through a maze while only being about to see one corner ahead of you. Some of the other topics are more straight forward. Dense, dry, and painful, but somehow more straightforward.

Must stop procrastinating. Must focus.