Wind out of my sails

After a rather uneasy day, I lost the nerve to bake with my 1lb block of butter. I looked at two recipes, one for shortbread that must be rolled out and one for Chocolate Clouds that needed to be refrigerated for 4 hours. All that work. I'm so tired. And my stomach is not feeling well. I don't have the energy to do it. Maybe it has something to do with the acupuncture this morning. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Update: it's now 11:36pm on Saturday, May 14, 2011. I've got insomnia again. And possibly a mild case of food poisoning. It was almost too much watching my friend eat a 15 inch cheese steak sandwich in front of me this afternoon. Not because my mouth was watering and tummy gurgling. Uncharacteristically of me, my stomach was on full strike. It wouldn't even let me salivate to the smell of meat and cheese. Instead, it turned my stomach a bit. And after I forced a jalapeno popper into my mouth (ok, 2), my stomach went to work on notifying me that my deposit has been inferior and will be rejected.

Maybe this is what it feels like to grow older. My body is slowly falling apart, not listening to my every whimsical gastronomy-fueled desire, resistant to the idea of eating at hole-in-the-walls due to burning a hole-in-my-stomach. I can't put away a burger like I used to. Granted, it was a huge 1/3 lb buffalo burger. I can't stomach fried foods in the morning (and what a lovely revelation that was too). I can't eat a whole plate of roast lamb in homemade gravy without feeling rather ill. I'm useless as a foodie. I've been robbed of my most interesting asset! The one that can't gain weight: my appetite.

HLP graduation on Monday night which will be swell. What do I wear to this? I'm tempted to wear sweatpants with a hole and stains, because the thought of putting on a suit sort of makes me faint. Every time I put on a suit, I feel like a soldier putting on their gear for battle. The jacket is my armor, the skirt is my weapon, the leggings and heels are my ammunition. I pin my hair back the way soldiers wear hats. Necklace, makeup, dressed for battle. Perhaps this has something to do with doing real battle while working for the DA. Most educational experience and I will always be grateful to my mentor.

Real graduation on Tuesday at Davis Symphony Hall at 11am. I'll be wearing a velvet monkey suit with interesting doctorate hood with funky lining. On Friday, I had a little photo shoot with my mother and I got some dastardly photos resembling Mary Magdalene or was it the Virgin Mary? I didn't make the hood, I only put it on my head in the manner that it was not suppose to be worn. And then posed while holding a rose, with my hands in prayer. Complete coincidence.

My cat has found her fleece bed liner from years ago and she has taken to it. She lies snoring away on my bed, twitching slightly and making munching noises with her mouth. I wonder what she dreams of. Does she dream in color? And why is it so cold today?